Monday, November 9, 2009

Power Rankings

CHAMPIONS OF MY HEART DIVISION
1.) ROCKIES: My team. They represent the state of Colorado with class and dignity. No one can help but to cheer for this team. Headlined by homegrown players that grow on us as fans, just as they grow up themselves. Coors Field is one of the best stadiums in the league, and it highlights the Lodo area well. The players have hearts of champions and never go quietly into the night.

TEAMS I FEEL HAPPY CHEERING FOR DIVISION
2.) RAYS: My AL team. I would say 98% of my positive baseball passion goes into the Rockies, so the Rays are a distant second. I like how this team is built with the young guys. I enjoy watching Evan Longoria play; he's tremendous... and a Dirtbag.

3.) INDIANS: My first t-ball team. The bright red-faced Indian logo is both classless and classy. It grows on you. Jacobs Field (er... Progressive Park, whatever) is a similar build to Coors, and I like that. "Juuuuust a bit outside."

4.) ANGELS: My liking for the Angels is mostly based on Angels in the Outfield. I can't root against the two kids: Roger and the little black dude that says "Hey, it can happen."

5.) BREWERS: Thank you, Brewers. Thank you Tony Gwynn Jr. Thank you for giving us the chance at the 2007 playoffs. Without you Brewers, there is no Rocktober.

6.) ATHLETICS: Crappy stadium, but some pretty uniforms. But Billy Beane's Moneyball saga is a tremendous book, and has given me a lot of respect for this team.

7.) MARLINS: A weird team, but I still like the fellow '93 expansion team. Once they get a stadium, they may be considered a real franchise.

SOMEWHAT INDIFFERENT, BUT STILL SOMETHING THERE DIVISION

8.) CARDINALS: Watching MLB Network has brought me into the Pujols realm. Down by 3... 8th inning... bases loaded... Pujols batting. WALK THE MAN. Nope. Grand Slam. Flips the score, Cards win. I like that.

9.) RANGERS: I'm a fan of their stadium, their announcer, and Nelson Cruz. You can't stop Nelson Cruz, you can only hope to contain him.

10.) ROYALS: Just cause I like their stadium and they're geographically the closest team to Denver.

11.) ASTROS: Their lame stadium is countered by "Los Caballeros". Hunter Pence is a goofy man.

12.) NATINALS: "Zimmerman! Give me a sign you can hear me!" Then Ryan Zimmerman grabs his crotch. Take that heckler!

13.) ORIOLES: I hardly know anything about this team, but any stadium with a warehouse in home run territory it legit.

14.) MARINERS: A good team that hides in the upper-left corner of the country. People forget about them, and I feel sorry for them.

I GENERALLY ROOT AGAINST, BUT SEE RAYS OF LIGHT DIVISION
15.) TWINS: Smaller market team that I can feel for, but I can't cheer for those stupid tarps in the Metrodome. Yes, they're opening a new stadium, and yes I'll reconsider.

16.) PADRES: My birthplace: San Diego. I can't completely hate an intra division team that uses a building as a left field foul pole.

17.) PIRATES: Ahoy matees! The worst franchise in baseball has a good looking stadium and a cool name. That's it.

DON'T BOTHER ME DIVISION
18.) BRAVES: This team is lame. They make a late 'run' at the Rockies for the wild card, then fall flat on their faces in front of zero home crowd. Go away.

19.) WHITE SOX: Uhh... Where's the white socks?

20.) TIGERS: Grrr. This team has no bite. Red Wings suck! I can't support any team that owns the prefix of 'Detroit'.

21.) D-BACKS: I regard them as the pair with the Rockies. Both relatively new. Both with young players. I always root against NL West rivals, including the D-Bags.

22.) PHILLIES: The relentless heart breakers. My hatred comes directly from respect. Their fans have passion, and they've grown some admirable stars, but they beat the Rockies too often for me to support them. Kudos though for helping out my fantasy baseball team, Chase Utley.

23.) YANKEES: As many people as there are that hate the Yankees, but I can't pull myself to that extreme. You're on the Mark Teixeira shares my birthday and is a fantasy all-star. My general dislike comes from the east-coast bias I see, and the fact that no news is news in for the Yanks.

24.) BLUE JAYS: This team might as well be relegated to Mexican leagues. Then I might notice them.

25.) GIANTS: I rooted against them all season, I can't stop now. Their saving grace is their stadium. Definitely one of the views I want to see most.

26.) REDS: Are they relevant? Stupid stadium; (both great and American, huh?) and what the hell is a Red?

I THINK I JUST THREW UP IN MY MOUTH DIVISION
27.) CUBS: I hope they never win the world series. Just like Brett Favre is addicted to football, their franchise is addicted to losing. Their fans pay no attention to the games, just beers. Please keep to yourself in your ancient stadium. Tulo's cycle against the Cubs this year was one of the most satisfying moments of my life.

28.) METS: It makes me happy to see this team lose. They replaced a mausoleum with a government subsidized stadium built for dimensions of a team composed of only Mark McGwire.

29.) DODGERS: The most hated team by Rockies fans, and I'm with them. They embrace a man who tested positive for a female fertility drug, enough said.

30.) RED SOX: Composed of a bunch of dipping Neanderthals. The fan base is composed of a fake nation of bandwagon fans who claim to be fans for life. Having an uncle from New England does not grant you lifetime fanhood.

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